Have you ever woken up and realized that you have an overwhelming urge to listen to Nine Inch Nails' entire catalog and later when you take a break from work to go to the post office your boss spots you on the sidewalk and yells at you to get your attention so she can tell you that we won the thing the two of you have been working on but then she swears you to secrecy because she hasn't gotten official confirmation of the win and later in the morning this guy calls you back about the room he has available for rent in DC this fall and just before you hang up he asks "You're not a Trump supporter are you?" and while waiting to see your substitute therapist you get into a fun conversation with a complete stranger about whether stifling sneezes can result in your head exploding - she says science doesn't support that and you say it's clearly supported by science - and your substitute therapist notices you making banter and laughing with Ms. Sneezes Can't Hurt Me and then halfway through your hour your substitute therapist tells you "It sounds like you are falling out of love with your wife" and you realize her observation is liberating and right before you left work you get an email instructing you to move your stuff from your awesome well-lit office to this dark closet in another part of the office so they can refurbish the office you are in and even though that sucks they said you could leave your plants in your old office and later at Trader Joe's the checker compliments your bag which you insist on calling your "Mary Poppins bag" to which she responds your bag is too cool to be a Mary Poppins bag to which you respond Mary Poppins' bag was way cool because it was magic and the world needs more magic and the checker responds that you are funny to which you reply "You are right, I am funny" and on your walk home you stop to take a video of a bunch of ants carrying a dead bug because 1) it's cool and 2) your daughters will think it' cool and when you get home you start loading the washing machine and realize the clothes you are wearing are dirty so you take them off and add them to the load and after starting the laundry you realize you stink so you shower and after you get out of the shower you realize you're shaking because you are so hungry so you make nachos while naked and when the nachos are done you put on some clothes and instead of reading you watch Nine Inch Nails live performances on YouTube and eat nachos and while watching recent performances you note that Trent Reznor has gotten yoked in the last few years which makes you wonder if he takes steroids and later you share the song Sin with your daughter and you tell her that she will like the song because it has a great dance beat and she confirms it's an awesome song and you decide to iron your work clothes but take a break to text your best friend and ask him if he remembers Troy McClure's PSA "Firecracker, the silent killers" and you laugh out loud for a while because The Simpsons was a brilliant show and before bed you read volume 3 of the graphic novel Copperhead which you never would have discovered had you not been cast off then at some point after you've fallen asleep you have a dream about a real-life woman who is much too young for you and in the dream the two of you kiss and when you wake up you complain to no one "Just kissing? Seriously?" and as you pack your stuff to head to work you listen to Nine Inch Nails and wonder why did you hate Nine Inch Nails in the 90s?
Me neither.
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